I have a sticky note attached to my calendar. It lists the three areas of my life that I think need the most focus. It has been on my calendar since March, and I move it to the next page every month. But, for some reason, I haven’t really done anything about any of those areas that supposedly need the most attention.

It is my faith/spiritual path, meal planning and money management that I think need the most work. And why am I ignoring them? Maybe because they do need the most work, and that work is hard.

For my faith/spiritual path, I have to open up and really think about what I believe. This is scary because, while I know what I don’t believe, I’ve become a little confused by what I do believe. (For example, although I self-identify as Wiccan, the Wiccan community online doesn’t represent me and kinda annoys me most of the time.) I find myself leaning towards a more generic Pagan path, but I am also drawn to many, many aspects of Buddhism. And, honestly, leaving the perceived safety of Wicca frightens me a little.

I’m avoiding meal planning because that means I will have to think more about what I eat and how much I weigh; that will mean I have to think about my health, which is not optimal right now.

And money management means an examination of needs and wants. We need to save money to move out of the condo into a house, but my wants for books, and yarn and cross stitch stuff always seems to trump that overall need. I both need and want to get those desires under control, but I can’t seem to manage it.

I think, ultimately, this all comes down to some good old fashioned hard work and will power. But I’m running on empty most of the time, and I spend my days chasing after a little man deep into the terrible twos. If finding the energy to do the simplest things is a miracle most days, how will I ever manage to make things better?