My Tarot studies are in a bit of a slump right now. I think it is partly due to some of those shoulds that I wrote about yesterday. I feel that I should use Tarot for something more then “simple fortunetelling”, like say for meditation or self-discovery or something. And I feel that I should study both the Marseilles Tarot (which I can’t stand!) and the Thoth Tarot (which just doesn’t do anything for me) to get a fuller understanding of all the Tarot traditions.
When I first got started with Tarot, I was passionate about it. I read for anyone and everyone. I even remember reading an entire afternoon for my grade seven (or maybe eight) class. I can’t remember why we had the afternoon free, but I do remember some the readings I gave. One girl asked about her grandmother and another wanted a yearly forecast. I later got wonderful feedback from them telling me that my readings were very accurate. I studied Tarot quite diligently, but I always focused on the fortunetelling aspects, and just a tiny bit on the Kabalah. I didn’t worry about the magickal correspondences, or the higher esoteric meanings of the cards. They spoke to me and I listened.
Although I still enjoy Tarot, I find that I am much less passionate about it npw. I am becoming bogged down in all the things I used to disregard. Tarot is no longer a joy, it is a chore. And I don’t think that Tarot is the problem. It is me. I’ve become too much of a perfectionist. I want everything to be right and I want to know everything. I need to realize that I can’t know everything, and I don’t need too. I can read the cards just as well without knowing what every little thing on each card, in each of my twelve decks, is supposed to symbolize. I know this, I just wish I could believe it.
I really want to bring some of the magic back into my studies, some of the tingly feeling I get when studying the unknown.