My Tarot studies are in a bit of a slump right now. I think it is partly due to some of those shoulds that I wrote about yesterday. I feel that I should use Tarot for something more then “simple fortunetelling”, like say for meditation or self-discovery or something. And I feel that I should study both the Marseilles Tarot (which I can’t stand!) and the Thoth Tarot (which just doesn’t do anything for me) to get a fuller understanding of all the Tarot traditions.
When I first got started with Tarot, I was passionate about it. I read for anyone and everyone. I even remember reading an entire afternoon for my grade seven (or maybe eight) class. I can’t remember why we had the afternoon free, but I do remember some the readings I gave. One girl asked about her grandmother and another wanted a yearly forecast. I later got wonderful feedback from them telling me that my readings were very accurate. I studied Tarot quite diligently, but I always focused on the fortunetelling aspects, and just a tiny bit on the Kabalah. I didn’t worry about the magickal correspondences, or the higher esoteric meanings of the cards. They spoke to me and I listened.
Although I still enjoy Tarot, I find that I am much less passionate about it npw. I am becoming bogged down in all the things I used to disregard. Tarot is no longer a joy, it is a chore. And I don’t think that Tarot is the problem. It is me. I’ve become too much of a perfectionist. I want everything to be right and I want to know everything. I need to realize that I can’t know everything, and I don’t need too. I can read the cards just as well without knowing what every little thing on each card, in each of my twelve decks, is supposed to symbolize. I know this, I just wish I could believe it.
I really want to bring some of the magic back into my studies, some of the tingly feeling I get when studying the unknown.
I'm a mom, wife, needleworker, knitter, wannabe writer, and most of all a spiritual seeker. I'm not sure yet what I believe, but I sure as heck know what I don't believe.
I understand what you mean by shoulds. I can feel the edges of it creeping into my own Tarot work. I’m starting to examine every card for each nuance, each tiny little clue, and since I use the Robin Wood Deck, there are a lot of little clues.
Maybe you need to put it away for a while, and take a rest from all the perfectionist desires? Or just look at the cards as works of art that tell stories, and imagine the story behind the picture, and put yourself into the story.
Hopefully your joy will come back. 🙂
I have 37 decks. I had more, but got rid of the ones that didn’t speak to me. I had a few “should have’s” in there, but got rid of them when I realized they just didn’t work for me.
If I may ask a personal question, why is it that the should’s are so important to you? What is it about them that is holding onto you so much?