I wrote the following yesterday while on the subway:
Should I put down the title of Wiccan and take up the title of Pagan? I feel like I am searching for something more then the tame, sedate Wicca that I have been finding and practicing. I need something more primal, more visceral. I need to feel that I am a devotee of the God and Goddess. I need to see Their faces. Wicca, as I was practicing it, didn’t give me that. I need to dance with the Gods, to feel more alive.
I know that I am Wiccan because the framework, the ethics, everything feels right and makes sense. I just need a little more life in my personal practice, a little more wildness.
In my personal journal earlier that day I wrote:
If I question my faith does that mean I have none? Can I be a member of a religion and still question it?
I think these thoughts were inspired by more then a little pre-birthday angst. I have this bad habit of always questioning everything I think and do, spending far to much time in the past over-examining everything. Today I feel much better. So I’m 27, big deal. The time to have children is running out (due to health concerns, I want to have a child before 30), but my life is far from over. I am more independent now, and much more comfortable acting on my ideas and ideals. I think that maybe I am finding this freedom a little overwhelming, and that this is leading to my difficulty in finding a focus.
So, what’s this go to do with my religious questions yesterday? Well, I answered my questions for myself today, and I feel very good about the results. If only I was so darn tired, I would get to work on a new project.