I feel the need to write something tonight, but I’m not sure what. There are two cards sitting on my desk, and they are sort of inspiring me. One of them is The Hermit from the Robin Wood Tarot, and the other is a card from SoulCards 2. Together, they make me think of the search for knowledge and the compassion and understanding one needs to do this correctly. I’m not sure how this applies to my life. I am certainly a seeker, but what am I seeking? How will I know that I have found it? Maybe that’s not so important though. Perhaps it is the journey that is most important. Well, I guess that makes sense, right? But how do you know that you are journeying down the right road, studying the right things?

Yesterday I got out my Book of Shadows so I could add some notes and do some general clean up. I’m a modern Wiccan, so I don’t keep my notes in a musty, well-bound book. I use a three-ring binder. It’s sort of boring and doesn’t do much to add any airs, but it’s practical. It’s a bit small though, so I’m shopping around for the perfect 2 or 3″ binder to replace it. 🙂

I think this is my fourth Book of Shadows. When I first became interested in Wicca, I kept a collection of notes and correspondences in a small hardcover journal. It actually is still siting on my bookshelf. Looking through it I can see how I have become much more focused, and how much my writing has improved, both in form and content.

My second Book of Shadows was kept in a large black binder. All the pages were written using a fountain pen, one of those ones that comes in a Schaeffer calligraphy set. I even photocopied a whole bunch of paper for it. It was lined with an Egyptian-style border I found in PrintShop or something. I had all sorts of notes in it, most of them copied directly out of various books, usually with a note to tell me where I got it from. I enjoyed making this book, but I didn’t take it with me when I moved. I’m fairly certain it got thrown away when my parents moved out of their house.

I didn’t get very far with my third Book of Shadows. It was another binder, but this time I covered it with black material and wrote my name, in runes, on the cover with fabric paint. So much for the “ye olde” pseudo-medieval vibes some Wiccans seem to go for. I transfered some notes to it, using the same method as my second book, if I remember correctly. And, quite honestly, I have no idea what happened to this book. It probably got tossed away at some point.

My latest Book of Shadows is a lot more promising. Other then the correspondences, pretty much everything in it is my own writing, my answers to questions from books, or my thoughts on something I have read. I think that this makes the book a lot more useful then any of my previous ones. Of course, that’s not to say that I won’t add interesting articles or writings by other authors to it. And, of course, I will also properly credit all of them. But, I think the best would be to read several articles on an issue or topic and then write my own summary of what I have learned. Otherwise, I’m just repeating instead of learning.

I’m not sure how long this latest volume with last me. As I said, it is already out growing it’s current home. For now, though, I think I will just move it into a large binder. I’m eying a fabulous book from this gentleman. If I did end up splurging on it, it would be for important and lasting notes. For my general notes, I’m thinking of stitching up this design for the cover and this design for the back, and then creating a book out of another binder. Getting around to it is a whole different issue!

I saved a quote from a book I read. It was something to the effect of Eastern religions being alien to Western temperament. But I’ll be darned if I can remember which book the quote came from. Anyway, after reading an old issue of PanGaia, which focused on the “Wisdom of the East” (#31 Spring 2003), I began to wonder if there isn’t something to this idea. By incorporating Eastern thought and practice into the religious life of a Western person, are we just making spirituality more confusing? Admittedly, there is something to be said for the practices of meditation, mindfulness, and yoga. But can similar practices not be found in Western religions? I wonder if Christian, Greek, or Jewish mystics did not meditation, even if they did not call it such. Mindfulness is surely something that all spiritual people practice, or should practices at least.

So, what about purely Eastern spiritual practices like Buddhism? There are many Western people who follow Buddhist teachings. They seem to have integrated those teachings into their lives well, if one believes various stories and articles. But are not the ideals of Buddhism antithesis to Western ideals? To the Buddhist, life is suffering. One is expected to become without desire in order to come out of this suffering. Western societies are based on desire. We are expected to live better then our parents, buy the newest model of whatever our particular toy is, and enjoy it. Would one not become confused when living with Buddhist ideals within a Western society?

And what about Wicca? Is it a purely Western religion, or does it encompass Eastern ideas? Does it help us to function as good little capitalists, like society demands, or does it help us to function in spite of this demand? I wish I knew.

I’ve had a lot of ideas for blog entries bouncing around in my head this week. But for one reason or another, I just haven’t got around to writing anything substantial. I started a job last month, after a year of being out of work. It’s only very part-time, so, theoretically, I’m still left with a lot of free time. But I have a two hour round-trip commute, which is a bit excessive for a three hour shift. And I really… well… hate it. Yeah, hate is a harsh word, but that just about sums it up. Really, the store is okay, and the staff is nice, and the products aren’t bad, but it’s the whole retail thing. I’m not a salesperson, and it takes so much out of me to pretend to be something I’m not. So, but the time I get home from work, all I want to do is hide in bed with a book. I don’t think quanta has really noticed how it is affecting me yet. And I’m not to sure if he cares. 🙂 He thinks I should be working, which I agree with, but I know this isn’t the right job. The things we do to make a loved one happy, even when it’s hurting ourselves. *sigh*

So, this has made me think a little bit more about what it is that I would truly like to do. I wrote an entry in my private journal earlier this week on this topic, but after reflecting a bit longer, I have some more ideas. My inner call, what I feel I’m meant to do, is teach. I don’t know what I should teach, or to who, but I feel that it is what I need to do. Maybe I will end up home schooling our children (when we finally have them), or maybe I’ll get up the courage to go to teachers’ college. Or maybe I’ll write a book and teach people that way. Who knows. I do know that I can’t remain in my current job and still feel good about myself.