Making Happiness a Project

I would have to say (regardless of my past few posts), overall I’m pretty happy with my life. I may, on days where I have gotten a reasonable amount of sleep, even go so far as to say I am very happy. But, like Gretchen Rubin, the author of [amazon_link id=”006158326X” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]The Happiness Project[/amazon_link], I think happiness is something that should be worked on and courted, especially when times are good.

I’ve read The Happiness Project twice, once with a bit of skepticism, and again with an eye to giving it a try myself. A lot of the book, and a lot of the posts on Gretchen Rubin’s blog, really resonate with me. So much so, in fact, that I’ve started making notes on what I want to build my happiness project around.

  1. Be Yourself – Gretchen’s first rule is Be Gretchen, and I think that is an excellent place to start. Of course, I won’t be Gretchen, I’ll be me. And to me that means…
  2. What you like is what you like, and realize it is okay to want to like things but still not like them
  3. Going cold turkey works best for me
  4. Get lots of sleep, even it means no stitching/knitting/reading (wah!)
  5. Detailed to do lists are just too complicated for my life
  6. If it will take less than 5 minutes, just do it

It is just a start, but these are a few solid observations about my life (and what I keep trying to do wrong), that just might make me a little happier.

Just a Hint of Fear

If you reread yesterday’s post, you might notice a bit of fear under all of the stiff-upper-lipness. Fear is something the little man inspires in me a lot. His ability to run out there (literally) and face the world head on is very frightening. It is sometimes the practical things that worry me (running into traffic) and sometimes the realities of growing up (and leave me…).

Feelings of fear

Right now, I’m sitting at the computer, listening to him slowly wake up. He’s slept about an hour and a half past his usually wake up time.In the past, that sleeping in would cause me fear. Now I see it as an opportunity to have some quiet time before the day gets busy, and sometimes also a quiet space from where I can confront my fears.

Sometimes I wish someone had warned me that being a parent is almost as much about fear as it is about love. It would have been nice to be prepared.

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Sick Day

We’ve been very lucky with the little man. In his three short years, he’s only been sick three times. Once with a minor cold, once with roseola (that was fun), and once again with a nasty cold today.

Sick little man relaxing on the sofa

Dealing with a child with a cold, especially with his first real serious cold, is an exercise in patience. He broke down in tears several times this morning because he just didn’t understand what was wrong. He kept whimpering and pointing at his nose and throat. And, while he is quite vocal and fairly good at understanding what we try to tell him, it is really hard to explain to a 3-year old why he is sick.

Thankfully, a little while after this picture was taken (and a long while after he calmed down), the little man was nearly back to normal. If I had half the energy he has when he is sick when I am well, I could take on the world!

I know this is one of the first in a long line of illness to come. Because of “advances in medicine”, we will likely get to skip over some childhood illness, like chicken pox. But, there will be colds and flus and goodness knows what else yet to come. Sometimes all it will take is some tissues and a hug to help him feel better, and sometimes it will take a whole lot more.

Beginning to Understand Suffering

As you may have gathered from some of my previous posts, I’ve been doing some reading about Buddhism. I’ve studied Buddhism in the past, in a limited way through a university course of Japanese religions and also as part of a meditation class I took for about a year before I became pregnant with the little man. I found it very interesting, but I could never really get my head around the idea of suffering.

You see, the first Nobel Truth of Buddhism is “Life is Suffering”. I just couldn’t buy into that, since I found my life to be happy and relatively free of suffering on the whole. But, recently I came across a few different explanations of this “suffering”. The one that hit home is that suffering was the feeling of trying to hold on to things as they are, of denying the impermanence of the world, or the desire to stop change. And, as if I really needed the lesson taught to me, this past week has shown me very clearly what this type of suffering is like. There are small things and big things happening right now, changes that I wish wouldn’t come: the little man’s allergy being confirmed, a neighbour’s sister being given at most months to live after fighting her cancer for so long, a favourite local store closing. While they are obviously not all of the same level, they do all bring change, and with that change comes my desire to keep things as they were before.

I think I can understand now how life is suffering, to a certain degree. It is a suffering we bring upon ourselves by trying to hold on to something that is no longer there. Reaching and making changes os good, but trying to hold on only brings sorrow.

 

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No Peanuts, Please

It seems like the little man is going to be That Kid. You know, the one that is allergic to peanuts, so no one can have peanut butter or store bought cookies, or any of that good stuff.

Okay, that isn’t entirely true.  Yes, the little man is allergic to peanuts. We will always have to carry an EpiPen with us (the allergist suggests two in case the ambulance can’t get to us quickly enough). We will always have to read labels, and watch what he eats. One day, when he is away from home more, we may even have to get him a MedicAlert bracelet. But, because he isn’t as severely allergic as some people (e.g. people who react even to inhaled peanut dust), we have no intention of becoming draconian about it. No “No Peanuts” t-shirts for him, and no signs on our door.

I’m not sure what the future will hold. There is a small chance he will grow out of it. Or he may not. Either way, it is important that he learns to manage his own allergy as soon as he is able. It is his (and our) problem to deal with, not his school’s or anyone else.

Spring Snow

The snow we had on Wednesday is still around, but it is melting fast. I can’t shake the feeling, though, that it is January or February. When I look out the window, I see winter, not spring.

However, if you look closely, there are some reminders that spring is well and truly here.

Tulips in the snow

Retreating with Warlock

About a week and a half ago, I went on a little retreat. I stayed downtown at the Sheraton (and had great service and an upgraded room). I did some shopping, ate at some great restaurants, and tried to get some sleep.

The funny thing about retreats, though, is that you (or at least I) never get as much done as you/I hope to. In my case, I got drawn in by cable TV, which we haven’t had at home since September 2009. And, my goodness, it sure hasn’t improved since then. I think nearly everything on was either a news show or “reality” TV.

But I digress. My point is, I originally planned to use my retreat to do some reading about Buddhism and other spiritual paths, and instead I stayed up late reading [amazon_link id=”033044994X target=”_blank” ]Warlock[/amazon_link] by Wilbur Smith (which is a pretty good book). There is a good lesson in this, though: if you can’t make time in your regular life for something, there is a good chance you won’t be able to make time for it at any time.

At least I had a nice view from my room:

Toronto City Hall, Eaton Centre, and my old office building too

January Again?

Every year I make the same mistake: spring officially starts, and I put away the winter hats. And, of course, every year I have to get them back out again. This year they sat in the closet for a whole three days.

Winter in the park

That is the view from my bedroom window, overlooking our little park. Two days ago there was green-ish grass out there. Spring flowers were starting to poke through the earth. Yesterday it snowed. It snowed about 15 cm (around 6″). That doesn’t sound like too much, but when you aren’t expecting it, it is more than enough.

There are a couple of good things about the snow. First, it is pretty. Early spring can be a little unattractive, with all the yuck leftover from the winter.

Second, it gives the little man and I another chance to get out in the snow. (Would you believe we’ve haven’t used his snow suit yet this year.)

Third, I can take some pretty pictures:

Snowy evergreen

And lastly, it means that it is still hot chocolate season!

Good-bye Dame Elizabeth

Earlier today a Hollywood icon passed away. Dame Elizabeth Taylor, a true movie star, died at the age of 79. She was, at one time, considered the world’s most beautiful woman, a title I believe she completely deserved.

Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra

Ms. Taylor lead a remarkable life, staring in her first film at nine. She continued to act, and even guest star on TV shows like the Simpsons, well into her old age. (Did you know she was the voice of Maggie?)

Her support of charities, especially those dedicated to AIDS, was well known.

She may have once been known as “the other woman”, and may have even ended a marriage or two. But she was a strong woman who knew her own mind, and wasn’t afraid to go after what she wanted. Her’s was a life full of health problems, great successes and failures, and a lot of glamour. She will, I think, always be remembered as one of the greatest American actresses of all time.

Resolving to Make Resolutions

I’m taking this whole resolution thing pretty seriously right now. The realization that I accomplished almost none of my 2010 goals is pretty shocking.  Even if you take into account my crafting related goals, I only accomplished three and a half of my goals. (The half comes from the fact that did do Tarot readings every day for about the first eight months or so of the year, but then I kinda started to forget to do them…)

Now, if I had only made four or five goals, that wouldn’t be too bad. But I made a lot of goals, and nearly all of them should have been achievable. But I didn’t achieve them because:

  • I didn’t have a plan.
  • I was too easily sidetracked by shinier, more exciting seeming projects.
  • I’m way lazier than I like to admit.

So, instead of admitting defeat, I thought I would do a little bit of research into getting resolutions and mid-term length goals. What did I learn: You gotta have a plan if you want to succeed.

Planning, eh? Well, that isn’t my strong suit. I’m all about waiting for the perfect day to start something. Waiting until I can put together the perfect plan. And, all of that waiting generally comes to naught. Remember how I was so gung-ho on loosing weight? Yeah, I haven’t made any progress (I may have even gained some weight).

No plan = no results. The problem is, I just don’t know how to plan.

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