15 Dec 10

Looking Back on 2010 Resolutions

When I first sat down to write this entry, I was going to write about how I didn’t make any resolutions for 2010. And then I remembered that I did set some goals over on my needlework blog, Reflections in the Pond. So, I went to take a look, and lo and behold, I did have a list of what could be considered resolutions. My clearly stated intent for 2010 was to simplify. Did that happen? Uh, nope.

I did donate a lot of things to charity. Every time we emptied out a box of Baby Man’s diapers, I would fill it up with things for the charity box. We also threw away a bunch of things that weren’t useful for anyone anymore. But, honestly, the closets and drawers are all still full. (It doesn’t help that my yarn stash probably increased by two or three-fold this year… or four-fold. You know, a whole lot.)

I hardly ever wrote. I didn’t learn furoshiki. I didn’t work my way through The Inner Organizer, or write much in my personal journal, and I did gain a whole bunch of weight. But, you know, 2010 was far from a bust. I’m not sure I can put into words exactly what I mean. But, even with my bad temper and awful moods, I know I’m coming out of this year a better person.

I’m still thinking about the resolutions I want to set for next year. Losing weight is high on the list, but so is doing more crafts with Baby Man. I mean, how could I not want to do more of this:

Christmas Crafts with Baby Man

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14 Dec 10

Snowy Day

I love snow. Really, I do. And today, finally, Toronto is getting its first big taste of the white stuff.

As much as I hate to spout clichés, I love how snow makes the world look pure and new. Everything is given a soft, padded look, and we can forget for a little while just how hard the world really is.

My love of snow is probably influenced by the fact that I am a confirmed pedestrian, and that I am lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom. But, really, if you put aside the messy roads and the shoveling, you have to admit that snow is pretty.

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11 Dec 10

Winding Down the Year

With less than three weeks left in 2010, I feel like looking back and what I’ve accomplished and thinking about what I’d still like to do.

2010 started out pretty poorly, really. Baby Man threw up all over himself and me on our way to a family get together. That kicked off a year of terrible car sickness. Baby Man will throw up after travelling less than three blocks. We’ve tried several things and have had a couple of successful (short) trips, but Baby Man is not happy in cars at all. Unfortunately, his car sickness also extends to the subway, so we are pretty much confined to our neighbourhood. (This is made all the more funny because there is nothing Baby Man loves more than cars. Not even his momma.)

There were money issues, and unexpected windfalls. There were health problems, not all of which have been resolved. (I still feel like crap, and no one knows why for sure.) Thankfully no one we knew intimately died, and happily there were births of beautiful babies who are all happy and healthy today. A marriage ended, and an engagement was announced. And, most importantly, everyone we love is happy and relatively healthy today.

At one point we thought we might end up moving to the other side of the world, but now that isn’t likely to happen. Which is okay, since I’d miss my craft stash very much. Oh, and I’d probably miss my parents too.

I witnessed the end of a friendship this year too. Not mine, but two ladies who I like both very much. It made me sad to see the friendship end, because (as someone who really doesn’t have any real life friends) I know that good friends are hard to find. But in the midst of this event, I was lucky to find a lovely group of people online who I consider myself very lucky to know.

2010 wasn’t the best year I’ve ever had, but it was far from the worst. Baby Man is happy, healthy and smart as a whip. The husband is doing work he enjoys, and I’m doing okay. I got a lot of knitting and stitching done, at least.

In the last three or so weeks of the year, I’d really like to take time to think about the big three I mentioned a few posts back. I want to make those the theme of 2011. I want to get back to eating right, even with all the temptation over the next few weeks. I want to revel in my stash and plan some projects for next year. (Dare I saw I don’t want to buy new stash next year? Yeah, that isn’t going to happen since I have at least two purchases planned, but I do want to limit that spending severely.)

Mostly, I want to close out the year happy, healthy, sort of organized, and with my family around me.

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26 Nov 10

Is Religion a Force for Good?

Recently Ipsos Reid conducted a survey that asked people around the world if they thought religion is a force for good. Admittedly, it is a bit of vague question. My idea of good can be substantially different than your idea of good, just as my idea of what constitutes a religion can be different than your’s. Nonetheless, the results are very interesting.

There are a lot of comments I could make about this data. However, I’ll limit my comments to the obvious difference between the opinions of Canadians and Americans. Truthfully, it is very gratifying to see that. We have a much different relationship with religion up here. It generally isn’t an issue in our elections, or even when it comes to personal relationships. I think most Canadians believe that religion is a private thing, and that good people do good regardless of their chosen spiritual path.

That obviously isn’t the point Ipsos Reid was trying to make, nor do I think it is what most people will take away from this poll. Ipsos Reid conducted the poll as part of the lead up to a debate happening here in Toronto tonight. Former British prime minister Tony Blair and writer Christopher Hitchens will debating this very point; that is, if religion is a force for good in our world. Given that Hitchens is the author of God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything, it is no surprise that he will be arguing that religion is not a force for good.  Blair, on the other hand, believes that religion promotes respect and understanding. (For more about the debate and the debaters, head over to the CBC News website.)

Where do I stand on this question? Well, I’m of two minds. (Surely, that isn’t surprising.) Right now I would say I’m in the middle of a crisis of faith. I have finally admitted to myself that the religion I have professed to follow for the past fifteen or sixteen years is no longer the right religion for me. And while I do see the merits of atheism, I still feel a deep need to find the right spiritual path for me.  I do think that religion is a force of good for people at a personal level, but perhaps not at a worldwide level. Until all religions teach tolerance for all people, religions will lead to strife.

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4 Nov 10

Ignoring My Big Three

I have a sticky note attached to my calendar. It lists the three areas of my life that I think need the most focus. It has been on my calendar since March, and I move it to the next page every month. But, for some reason, I haven’t really done anything about any of those areas that supposedly need the most attention.

It is my faith/spiritual path, meal planning and money management that I think need the most work. And why am I ignoring them? Maybe because they do need the most work, and that work is hard.

For my faith/spiritual path, I have to open up and really think about what I believe. This is scary because, while I know what I don’t believe, I’ve become a little confused by what I do believe. (For example, although I self-identify as Wiccan, the Wiccan community online doesn’t represent me and kinda annoys me most of the time.) I find myself leaning towards a more generic Pagan path, but I am also drawn to many, many aspects of Buddhism. And, honestly, leaving the perceived safety of Wicca frightens me a little.

I’m avoiding meal planning because that means I will have to think more about what I eat and how much I weigh; that will mean I have to think about my health, which is not optimal right now.

And money management means an examination of needs and wants. We need to save money to move out of the condo into a house, but my wants for books, and yarn and cross stitch stuff always seems to trump that overall need. I both need and want to get those desires under control, but I can’t seem to manage it.

I think, ultimately, this all comes down to some good old fashioned hard work and will power. But I’m running on empty most of the time, and I spend my days chasing after a little man deep into the terrible twos. If finding the energy to do the simplest things is a miracle most days, how will I ever manage to make things better?

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31 Oct 10

Blessed Samhain

May your Samhain be full of family and friends, those here and those that have passed over. May you find solace in their presence, and may you find comfort in with the Lord and Lady.

I also wish fun, tricks, and treats for you on this day of joy and sadness.

Filed in Spirituality, Wicca
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20 Sep 10

Randomness and Tarot

I recently finished reading The Drunkard’s Walk: How Randomness Rules Our Lives by Leonard Mlodinow. In it, he shows how our lives are ruled by random chance, and talks about the statistics and theories that rule this randomness.

I found this book very interesting. Mlodinow did a great job of providing examples of how we view randomness incorrectly in our lives everyday. One particular example, dealing with how statistics are manipulated and the Prosecutor’s fallacy, helped me to really understand that there are lots of ways to look at something beyond what is presented to us. In his example, Mlodinow talks of the O.J. Simpson trial and how one of Simpson’s lawyers presented the statistic that in the United States in 1992, only 1 in 2,500 abused woman were murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. However, the more applicable statistic would have been this: in the United States in 1993, of abused woman who were murdered, 90% were murdered by the abuser. See the difference? The defence lawyer inverted the statistic in order to help his client.

Okay, you are probably wondering what this has to do with anything that I generally write about. Well, that comes in with the human need to seek patterns in data. You know: celebrity deaths always come in threes; or so-and-so has been in three bad movies in a row, so they are due for a good one. Well, we are trying to find patterns in what is actually the random events of life. And that, I believe; applies to Tarot.

There are some people out there that believe Tarot actually does tell you future through some sort of prescient gift given either to the cards or to the reader. There are others who use the cards as a way to find one possible path through life. After reading the The Drunkard’s Walk I am more inclined to think that Tarot cards aid you in finding the (nonexistent) patterns in your random life.

That doesn’t sound very helpful, does it? Well, yes and no. Knowing that life is random gives you a feeling of helplessness. But being able to recognize patterns (whether they exist or not) makes you feel like you are in the driver’s seat. And that, friends, is what we are all really seeking.

Take this recent example: last Friday, my son and I were mere inches away from being hit by a car while crossing the street with the light. That morning I drew the Sun card as my card of the day. After coming home and trying to get over what happened, I realized the Sun card meant I should rejoice in the fact that my Sun/son was still here and vibrant and happy. A random card helped me better understand my random day.

Do Tarot cards tell the future? I don’t think so. Can I use meticulously collected data to predict tonight’s lottery numbers? Nope, since they are totally random. We can plan for the future, but we also need to be flexible since all of life is random, ever-changing, and wonderful.

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30 Aug 10

An Abundance of Stuff

I’ve start to see all of my possessions in a new light lately.  Not too long ago I saw all my cross stitch and knitting supplies (my giant stash) as representing potential. Now I see it all as demands, as things that I must do. And the amount of those things is just overwhelming. I was so happy to realize that my little guy couldn’t wear acrylic sweaters thanks to his eczema. That means I can return one sweater’s worth of yarn and give two other sweater’s worth of yarn to a friend who is a charity knitter.

Something is wrong when getting rid of yarn makes me happy.

On the other hand, I recently bought a whole bunch of DMC floss so that I would have a full set. This acquisition made me happy. Strange, no? I suspect it is because floss skeins are so much smaller than yarn skeins, so they can disappear into my stash and I can forget about them. (There is also the added benefit of being able to start projects without having to go out and buy floss.)

I think that is a big clue to how my feelings about acquiring things works. If the new things just disappear into the background (floss, books, magazines, household items, clothing), I don’t feel so bad. But if the items really stand out (books [yes, in two places], shoes, yarn, electronics), then I do feel bad. Goodness knows I don’t need more of anything, and both types of purchases increase my amount of stuff. However, one type of purchase lets me fool myself, and that is ultimately a bad thing.

I need to learn to think more clearly about my purchases; about what I need and what I want. It isn’t so bad to wait to have a desire or a craving fulfilled. And it wouldn’t be so bad to free up some storage space. Imagine: an empty shelf on the closet that I don’t need to store anything on.

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28 Aug 10

Summer turning into Fall

We have reached the end of August, and it very clear here that the seasons are getting ready to change. We may be having extremely hot and humid days, but the nights are cooler and there is a hint of fall in the wind.

There are some early signs of fall to be seen on the trees and bushes. Berries have already started growing:

The maple trees are full of keys:

And there is even a hint of two of fall colours to be seen if you look hard enough:

In a about a week the sumac will turn that lovely fiery red. Soon after that it will be time to bring out the long pants, and I’m sure that in less than two months, I’ll be wishing that we had the heat turned on. In the midst of the summer heat, or the winter cold, it can feel like everything is standing still, but if you look around at nature and really pay attention, the next season is already making itself read.

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27 Jul 10

Taking Time for Reflections

Life moves pretty fast, as Ferris Bueller says. We do need to stop and look around once in awhile or it will pass us by. Even though I am lucky enough to have a very flexible job that allows for me to work from home whenever I have time, and a husband that also works from home, I often find that there aren’t enough hours in the day to accomplish much of anything.

Take my kitchen for example. We moved to our current home a little over three years ago, early in my pregnancy when I was still very ill. My mom was kind enough to unpack my kitchen, but I have never gotten around to setting it up correctly and it gets more disorganized everyday.

But, I suppose when you have a young child there are more important things to worry about than where the meat thermometer is stored. “The days are long but the years are short,” goes the saying.

I try to remember this when Baby Man wants me to get down on the floor to play cars with him, or when he wants to watch the same movie for the eleventy-billionth time. One day, not to far in the future, he will only want to play with his friends and I will have lots of time to tidy out those kitchen drawers.

I think it is wise for me to take some quiet time at the end of the day, like the beautiful summer night I’m enjoying right now, to savory the day and everything about it. The good and bad, the giggles and crying; all of it is because of Baby Man and our great love for him.

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